I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
