Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
