He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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