at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
