he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
