haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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