she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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