Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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