i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
