Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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