You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
