Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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