Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
