maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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