DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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