i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
