Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
