There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
