You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
