i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize