Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
