I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
