he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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