i think my tv is drunk
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
