How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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