Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
