I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
