i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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