My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize