I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
