Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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