Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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