So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
