Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
