respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
