My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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