i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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