i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
