he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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