can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
