I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize