Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
