Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
