Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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