Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
