Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
