Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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