im about as happy as oj after his trial
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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