I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
