i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
