My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
