he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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