It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize