btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
