Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
