how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
