he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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