My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
