It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
