is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
