just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
