Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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