I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
