Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
