Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
